Why I Almost Quit Social Media: The Importance of Workplace Relationships

social media - positive workplace relationships

I almost quit social media because of work.

Social Media - Google - TechnologyI loved social media. I thought I did a good job keeping things private, that was, until someone at work told me he Googled me. Normally this wouldn’t be a big deal. I’ve Googled people before and I know recruiters/potential employers Google job applicants to learn more about them.

Why was this particular event different?

It was different because this person made me extremely uncomfortable in the workplace. He was above me in the workplace hierarchy and, looking back on it now, he used his status to influence when and how I did my work. He would request meetings lasting for hours, in his office, just the two of us, with the door closed. When one of my coworkers moved, he would ask me about her, he would tell me about the emails he sent her and couldn’t understand why she wasn’t emailing or calling him back.

He requested an early morning meeting, before anyone else was in the office. He said he Googled me.

He told me he found my wedding registry and asked to be invited to my wedding. He said he read through my entire Twitter (over 3 years of content) and wanted to talk about some tweets. He had written them down and brought them to the meeting. He wanted to know “more” about my family. He said he “thought he knew me before,” but “now feels like he knows me so much better.”


I felt sick. I felt like my privacy was more than invaded. It was violated. I felt like it was my fault.

He told me we didn’t have to talk about it if it made me uncomfortable. I told him it made me uncomfortable. He ignored my statement and proceeded to his questions, which were written down on multiple sheets of paper.

social media iconsI sat in his office, silent, until he said I could leave.

I couldn’t believe what had just happened.

The instant I escaped his office I took personal responsibility for the event and I decided to protect myself from this happening again. I Googled myself and went through the first 12 pages of Google results to see what I could find and remove; I deleted all social media accounts except for Facebook, LinkedIn, and Instagram; I locked down those three remaining accounts; I deleted or disconnected from people I didn’t know very well; I deleted pictures; I deleted posts; I made things so private it looked like I almost didn’t have an online presence.

sad workI quit posting.

I became less connected to long-distance friends. My relationships with those outside my immediate circle began to dwindle. I became suspicious and distrusting of others, especially those I met at work.

This distinct experience significantly influenced my perception of safety in the workplace, and it was a key reason I refrained from building relationships in the workplace and in school for the next two years. I didn’t trust anyone, especially people who reminded me of the individual I described above.

After several years of going to work just to get paid and being the person who didn’t want to make friends or put significant effort into workplace relationships, I realized just because this happened to me in one workplace didn’t mean it would happen to me in every workplace.

The importance of workplace relationships

barrier and boundariesMost people are aware of boundaries. Even if they Google you, they don’t tell you they Googled you and they especially don’t start a discussion by pulling out a list of questions about things they read/found.

I realized I spent more time with people at work than with my family or non-work friends. This was my turning point. Workplace relationships are important, if not vital to the success of an organization, and if people work to build positive workplace relationships, workplaces can thrive. People don’t have to show up to work just to get paid. Those who do are likely not engaged and they may end up decreasing the overall level of engagement within an organization.

friend - helping hand - positive workplace relationshipThe Society for Human Resources Management (SHRM) released survey results in 2016 that showed how workplace relationships are drivers of employee engagement.

77% of respondents indicated relationships with their coworkers influenced their engagement in the workplace and 74% indicated relationships with their immediate supervisor also impacted their level of engagement in the workplace. Along the same lines, Gallup, a research-based, global performance-management consulting company, has conducted employee engagement research for over 30 years. One of the most controversial questions Gallup asks is, “Do you have a best friend at work?”

Gallup repeatedly shows a concrete link between having a best friend at work and the amount of effort employees expend in their job. Gallup uses the following example: women who strongly agree they have a best friend at work are more than twice as likely to be engaged (63%) compared with the women who say otherwise (29%).

Research shows employees seek out and stay with organizations with exceptional workplace cultures. While there are many different components to workplace culture, exceptional workplace culture is often characterized by overall feelings of trust, belongingness and inclusion.

trust, belongingness and inclusion.

We want our work to feel worthwhile and meaningful. Having trusted confidants and supporters helps foster those feelings. We go to our work friends when we need to celebrate and commiserate about both our personal and professional lives. In the absence workplace friendships, work can become lonely and isolating. It lacks attachments. Although we may like what we do and we may get to use our talents and strengths every day, if we don’t have positive workplace relationships or workplace friendships, we’re probably not feeling fully motivated to put everything into our roles.

If companies focus on creating relationship-centric workplaces they will allow employees to build quality relationships with one another. These quality relationships will strengthen business by increasing morale, employee retention, productivity, and teamwork.

Connecting the dots photo

Connecting the Dots

Lesson 1: Be prepared for someone you don’t know very well to Google you. You may even want to be prepared for them to tell you they Googled you AND for them to want to talk to you about it. If this happens, don’t go nuclear on your online presence like I did. If you disconnect from your online presence you may become distanced from important connections and opportunities. Don’t over react and determine all workplaces are equal and this will happen to you again (it hasn’t happened to me since).

Lesson 2: Positive workplace relationships are important to the functioning and overall success of a business. Research shows that those who report having a best friend at work are significantly more engaged in the workplace than those who don’t. Foundational feelings of contribution, trust, and altruism are all derived from one thing—human relationships. If positive human relationships are missing form a workplace, engagement will most definitely suffer.

Have you ever had something uncomfortable like this happen at work? How did you handle it?

Do you have a best friend at work? How does your friendship influence your perception of the workplace?

friend coffee

Thank you for taking the time to read my post! If you’re looking for ways to increase your organization’s level of employee engagement and improve positive workplace relationships, please review my services here and contact me here.

This was originally posted on LinkedIn on March 26th, 2018. See the full post here.

Employee Hierarchy of Needs, Part 1 of 3: Basic Needs

carin balance in river

The idea of a Hierarchy of Needs came from Abraham Maslow in 1943, when he published a paper titled, A Theory of Human Motivation. Maslow proposed the concept that humans are motivated to attain certain needs (basic, psychological, and self-fulfillment), and some needs are prioritized over other needs (basic needs must be met before fulfilling psychological needs, etc.).

A human’s most basic need is for physical survival: food, water, shelter, safety. Once the basic needs are addressed or fulfilled, the level above will motivate us next.

What are an employee’s basic needs in the workplace, and how do these needs relate to employee engagement?

First, let’s define employee engagement. Engaged employees are rare. According to Gallup, a research-based, global performance-management consulting company, only 15% of employees world wide are engaged. In my article How to Increase Engagement: Treat Your Employees like They Matter, I describe the many different definitions of employee engagement. They all revolve around a common theme: emotional commitment and attachment to one’s workplace and fellow employees. Engaged employees feel a profound connection and commitment to their company; they work with passion, they are loyal, and they are willing to go the extra mile.

According to Maslow’s concept of needs, the basic needs are physiological needs and safety needs. In the workplace, let’s replace physiological needs with workspace, and safety needs with security and stability.

Basic Needs


Workspace includes where we are and what physical items we have when we work each day. Do we have the appropriate items to get our job done, like a place to sit? Updated computers with updated software? Is the workspace a comfortable temperature? How about the noise levels?

workspaceWhile these considerations may seem simple, they are easy to overlook. I once had a job where the temperature swung from one extreme to the other. One day it was cold enough to wear a winter jacket all day, and the next it was so hot people began feeling faint.

If we are going to invest in hiring the right individual, why would we set them up in a workspace where they won’t be able to fully function or achieve our expectations? If someone joins our team and they don’t have a dedicated workspace, or the technology is too old or slow and it hinders their ability to do their job, will they feel valued? Probably not – if their place of employment cannot meet their basic workspace needs, it’s likely they will only accomplish the bare minimum to get by. If they don’t feel like they can do their job, it’s unlikely they can do their job well or feel a sense of pride or accomplishment about their job.


Once workspace issues have been addressed, we can focus on security and stability issues. This level addresses feeling safe in our jobs and has two features:

Security: work environment fosters a feeling of job security, and is free of threats of physical or emotional harm.

Stability: organizational and team stability.

first aidMost work environments are free from threats of physical harm, but what about emotional harm? A survey conducted in 2014 by Vital Smarts revealed that 96% of survey respondents have experienced bullying at work. 62% of those who experienced bullying at work saw bullies sabotage others’ work or reputations, 52% saw browbeating, threats, or intimidation, and 4% saw physical intimidation or assault. The Vital Smart team also noted how bullying in the workplace affects workplace costs:

Twenty percent of respondents said dealing with workplace bullies cost them 7-plus hours a week in lost time. That’s $8,800 in lost wages to those workers or their employers every year.

Money - stacks of coinsAn individual’s feeling of job security is also important. If you are constantly worried you might be fired at any moment, the chances of you being able to come in and do your best work are low. It’s hard to ensure job security for anyone; one way to help combat the anxiety associated with job security is to provide employees with positive feedback and gratitude. This positive reinforcement might help give your team the security they need to perform their jobs at their highest level. For more information about the benefits of gratitude in the workplace, check out my articles 4 Reasons Why You Should Express Gratitude Both In & Out of the Workplace and 3 Ways Gratitude Promotes a Culture of Engagement in the Workplace.

Turning our focus to stability, consider how much turnover your organization or department experiences. If an organization feels out of control, it’s likely employees also feel like their day-to-day tasks and duties are out of their control. If these things appear out of an employee’s control, they may feel like what they contribute to the company or department doesn’t matter. If someone feels like their contribution doesn’t matter, why would they take initiative, work with passion, or go the extra mile?

Connecting the DotsConnecting the Dots

For organizations, departments, or teams experiencing low employee engagement, the first opportunity for improvement is with your employee’s basic needs: workspace and security & stability.

Take a moment to consider whether your team, department, or company has a positive workspace and ideal working conditions for your employees, or anxiety regarding job security. Are employees confident about their job security both now and in the future? Have you noticed, or has an employee reported, a workplace bully that hasn’t been adequately addressed?

Thank you for taking the time to read my post! If you’re looking for ways to increase your organization’s level of employee engagement, please review my services here and contact me here.

This was originally posted on LinkedIn on January 19th, 2018. See the full post here.

Please check the second article in this series, Employee Hierarchy of Needs, Part 2 of 3: Psychological Needs.

*Credit to Zen Workplace and Health Links for the employee engagement hierarchical/framework concept.